To the concerned and confused, rest assured, I do not have testicular cancer. Me, Lola and Mark ventured to the basement of the hospital to get the examination. Florescent lighting, rusty tiling, x-rays of diseased testicles. To take the examination, Lola had to wheel out some old lady so we could use the ultrasound in her room. I stripped down and after cold goo and bodily exploration, it was clear that cancer had not victimized me. Only an enlarged, chubby vein! We can't expect all the veins to keep a fine physique.
Amy, Mark's friend from his Peace Corps group in Ukraine, came for Thanksgiving. I like her for the following reasons: she cooked me vegetarian stuffing, uses the word "cool" a lot, has a bursty laugh, and begs us to take pictures of her in front of hundreds of trees.
I was able to see a lot of cool paintings recently at museums. Picasso, Chagall, Van Gogh, Degas, Monet, Kandinsky. It made me really wanna start painting again.

What are some highlights of my life recently? Well, here we go:
1) Mark spilled coffee on his pants and Amy naturally shrieks "Opa!" during the crisis and laughs hysterically.
2) A little girl at Mark's school was throwing paper at peers and trying to draw on their faces, and, by the grace of God, immediately after, jabs her knee into a tack and cries.
3) We visited a temple that Egyptians constructed for Spain and Mark hid beneath a wall, near a very dark and ominous room and growled like Bigfoot when tourists passed by, turning that historical monument into a haunted house.
Hmm.....we went to the Museo de Jamon and got a bunch of stuff to eat. Amy was so cute - she said "muchas gracias" like five times while ordering and picking up our food and usually such politeness and verbal gratitude when dining is absent here in Spain, so it was kinda funny. (Nonetheless, politeness and gratitude, in general, are particularly widespread here.)

Ehh....
I have to go to the bathroom so...I'm out.

An Ultrasound Sounds Good

Let's be honest here. Tengo un bulto en mi testiculo izquierda. It's been there for three years. In a world where health coverage is barren and requires me to pay at least $300 to determine if a lump is cancerous, Jina, the goddess of health and happiness, grants me a miracle.

Yesterday, during my chit-chat session with Lola, I vented about me and Mark's failed attempt to get free health care here in Spain. She inquired more so I let it all out and confessed my nutty issue. In this conversation, she expresses that not only does she interpret X-rays, but also ultrasounds!!!!! And she offered to perform one on me! for free! While on one hand there's the downside that she will have to examine my naked body and I will have to tutor her the next day (awkward), it is ultimately a free gift and it gives me and Mark a reason to explore Alcala de Henares, which is where her distant hospital is located. It has a river, tall hills, and a beautiful monastery. There's a photo above.

Moving on, I went grocery shopping today and checked out the local sports center and saw an old man peeing on the sidewalk outside, a co-sex locker room, and a teenager with a dreadlocks mullet.

My life is whole.

Dont Be Testi

Me and Mark hosted our first couch-surfer. She was a French 20 year old girl named Stephanie. She was fairly sweet, not too talkative, big eyes, yaddah yaddah. It was ultimately a positive experience. A new guest came last night. He's from Belgium and is looking to find a job in the field of architecture. He had smoker's breath, a big nose like me, and was really nice. He's scrambling around in his room now.
Me and Mark took a bus to Escorial. It's a little city planted on a hill. Cobblestone streets, sexy, confident cats like the one pictured here, and Valley of the Fallen, which is a cemetery established by Francisco Franco in memory of the Spanish Civil War victims. There were giant hills (moutains?) all along the city so we decided to climb it a bit. After packing some marzipan, sandwich stuff, water, and nuts, we began the hike. Mark was getting a little nervous about the great outdoors and cautioned me on emergency telephone numbers, snake bites, zig-zag climbing techniques, and bear attacks.

"Will you please stop every now and then to check to hear rattlesnakes?"

At one point I made a couple bear groans and Mark twitches around and says very sternly,

"SHUT UP. WAS THAT YOU??".

Haha. Best part was when we almost didn't climb to the top because of his fear of potential mountain lion habitats nearby. I convinced him to pursue the climb and it was beautiful reaching the top. On a side note, I just learned that most cougar attacks are on little children and are more likely when humans play dead. Hmm....also, you can get it to retreat by intensely staring at it. If only Mark knew how many years I have been playing the Staring Game with friends he maybe wouldn't have been so afraid. Oh Mark. I won't lie, though, there were some pretty beastly poop piles scattered throughout the hills, which made me, secretly, scan my surroundings a few times in a very Markesque way. In any case, we were exhausted afterwards. I was walking around like a drunk man, toppling on escalators from the exhaustion.

Mark got quite the sunburn. I, some intense muscle sores. But....we will hopefully return to this luscious place soon - to maybe defeat the mountain again and to check out Franco's memorial.